(How many of you have parents who believe email exists solely as a big ol' chain letter distribution system? Every once in a while a gem slips through just barely worthy of broader distribution. I got one from my mother this morning which fit the bill. Being from the south, I made a few 'enhancements' to be more relative to today. Enjoy! -- but please do not forward <-- wasted breath.)

It has come to our attention that a few beta copies of Windows Vista Southern Edition RC2 may have accidentally been shipped outside of the south.

If you have one of these, you may need help understanding the commands. Windows Vista Southern Edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads: Winders Vista, with a background picture of Waylon and Willie superimposed on a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Please also note:

 The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
 My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
 Dial Up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
 Control Panel is known as "The Dashboard"
 Hard Drive is referred to as "4-Wheel Drive"
 CD and DVDs are "Them little ol' plastic frisbee thangs"
 Instead of an error message, "Duct Tape" pops up.

Changes in Terminology in Windows Vista Southern Edition:

 Cancel............stopdat
 Reset..............try'er agin
 Yes...............yep
 No................nope
 Find..............hunt fer it
 Go to............over yonder
 Back...............back yonder
 Help..............hep me out here
 Stop...............kwitit (WHOA!)
 Start............crank'er up
 Settings..........settins
 Programs.........stuff at duz stuff
 Documents........stuff ah done did

Also note that Windows Vista Southern Edition does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to Winders Vista:

 Tiperiter.........a word processing program
 Colerin' Book.................a graphics program
 Cyferin' Mersheen...........calculator
 Outhouse Paper................notepad
 Inner-net....................Internet Explorer 7.0
 Pitchers .......................a graphics viewer
 Bubba Tube....................Windows Media Center

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused. If you received a copy of Windows Vista Southern Edition, you may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version: Windows Vista Home Premium Ultimate Redneck Edition (codenamed 'Hee Haw').

I hope this helps all y'all!

Billy Bob

Get er done!